Not so much overtime, fewer tasks, no forced activism on the job: employees sometimes have to set limits for this. Coach and author Attila Albert tells you how to speak clearly and consistently with your boss without jeopardizing your job unnecessarily.
Constant unpaid overtime, so many chores you can never do them in the regular working day — or disagreements, such as when the board wants everyone to engage in workplace activism (e.g., gender language, LGTB rainbow): workers often find themselves in situations again, in which they have to set limits. This is uncomfortable and even frightening if you fear for your job because of it.
Because employers try all methods to change your mind: from feigned care to open threats. Avoidance helps at first – or at least buys you time. That you go into hiding a little, never register for an unwanted seminar (e.g. allegedly against sexism or racism) or don’t show up at meetings by always putting different appointments or too much work ahead of you.
“I just want to do my job” by Attila Albert, published by Redline in January 2022. The book has 224 pages and costs 15 euros or 12.99 euros as an e-book for Kindle.
But once you need a no if you don’t want to be constantly outvoted: your determination of what you will not participate in. A brief justification is useful, so that it is understood that you have given serious thought to it. At the same time, your tone is important: clear and consistent, without unnecessarily exacerbating the argument. This is important if you want to continue working with bosses and colleagues, just not at any cost.
You do not eliminate existing ideological conflicts in the workplace by discussing their content (e.g. whether an internal quota for women at the expense of male colleagues is desirable or not). This is usually impossible with partners, relatives and friends. It’s better to argue than convince someone. It’s all about how much you want to get involved or not.
As an employee, you are obliged to follow official instructions. In addition, you are dealing with superiors who act on instructions themselves (e.g. implement a corporate strategy in the department) – but always have a certain amount of leeway. The following ten steps can help you explore compromises while standing up for yourself more than before.
Attila Albert, born in 1972, is a communication expert, coach and author. He began working as a reporter at the age of 17, has since written for national and international media and is still a columnist today. He studied business administration, web development and completed coaching training in the USA. He was in charge of global marketing communication for a Swiss industrial group. He is the author of several guidebooks.
1. Listen and acknowledge with respect
Regardless of what you think, politely say thank you for what your boss says and summarize briefly. “As I understand you, you want…”, “So it is important to you that…” This is to ensure that you have received everything correctly and to show that you have listened and understood. It also gives you a moment to think about your best reaction.
2. Avoid excited tones
Avoid using an aggressive, agitated tone that would come across as rude or aggressive. Always be polite and courteous. Otherwise your behavior would suddenly become a disciplinary issue. Also avoid a general no to the employer (“I’ve had enough here”, “I’d like to leave completely”). This could be maliciously interpreted as a refusal to work or even as spontaneous verbal termination.
3. Concerns as specific as possible
Make it clear that you are not a total refuser. You are expressly only concerned with a specific point that you should state factually – without evaluating the content. Appropriate formulations would be: “That’s out of the question for me”, “I’m not part of that”, “I do not agree with this matter”. Correct gently but persistently if your boss may want to make it out that you are “yes to everything”.
4. Keep your personal statement short
Briefly and factually explain why you will not participate in a particular activity or fulfill a particular request. Long, very personal explanations are inappropriate and would hardly be heard or understood in an agitated situation. One or two sentences already allow your manager to classify your motives and make it clear to him that you are not acting rashly or out of defiance.
5. Protect against surprise
Many bosses try it with mock incredulity (“I don’t believe that!”, “Hello?”), genuine indignation (“That can’t be true!”, “You’ve got nerves!”) or alleged concern (“Do you want to really ruin everything?”). Don’t respond directly to every emotional outburst, e.g. B. sink silently into the armchair, defend or justify oneself with a counterattack. Remain objective and calm.
6. Practice beforehand if you are afraid
Up until now you may have been afraid to contradict your manager or lost heart as soon as you started the sentence. Then practice the corresponding sentences at home beforehand: say them out loud repeatedly or even shout them out once. This has a liberating effect, activates your energy and ensures that you no longer have to think too long if necessary. Even better: Practice with a partner beforehand.
7. Check legal means
It is often useful to use the help of a lawyer to have your specific situation assessed, even if you do not intend to leave the employer. A casually dropped remark (“I also took legal advice to be on the safe side”) can show that you are not arguing helplessly and uninformed. However, it should not come across as a threat, so as not to harden the fronts too early.
8. Limit time spent
To do this, reduce the time you spend with your employer. Whenever possible, reduce overtime, shifts, and availability after hours, weekends, and vacations. It is often a mental help if you put private appointments in your calendar (e.g. sports one hour after the official end of work). Then it’s easier to say, “Sorry, I can’t stay longer today. I have another appointment.”
9. Use sources of strength outside of work
Sources of strength outside of work are an enormous support that you should use consciously. Even when you’re under the most stress, schedule a few fixed appointments each week that involve something completely different from work. Dinner with your partner, a jog with a friend, an evening of reading or music. You can already address your current challenges. But focus on positive topics and activities. This will make you more confident overall.
10. Create professional alternatives
If you want to move internally, do it while your relationship with the boss is still good, at least on the surface. You might even find his support with a neutral statement (“It’s time for me to make a change”). Otherwise: Apply as actively as if you were currently unemployed. Six to ten applications per month plus two to four industry contacts per week would be ideal.
Occasionally, managers openly threaten their employees: “I’ll throw you out.” Or want to be cold: “You can’t get your foot on the ground here anymore.” In a one-to-one discussion, but also in front of the entire workforce. Remind yourself that you are not employed by your boss, you are employed by the company. He is an employee like you, albeit higher-ranking (exception: managing partners or similar).
An angry boss can make your life miserable, but they can’t fire you just like that. In such cases, his own human resources department often points out the limits imposed by labor law. Surprisingly little is known about this to many bosses. At the same time, you sometimes only find out much later what your manager really thinks. He often has to submit to thinking and language requirements (e.g. “climate crisis”) from above.
Sometimes it helps to wait until the next trend comes along, to switch to a department that is ideologically less exposed – or an individual exemption. Constantly working against one’s own beliefs, however, is enormously exhausting. In this case, it is advisable to switch to a more suitable employer within the next six to nine months. Then applications and networks should be given the highest priority.
