Maxime has been in a relationship for 25 years, in a stable relationship that makes many people envious. The secret to its longevity? A new promise: infidelity.
“Let’s see, it can’t be! » He heard that one often, among other conversations about his relationship. Still, that’s it. The couple even literally made this promise to each other, dressed all in white, a few minutes before exchanging rings. “Remember: infidelity until the end of our days! » Promise kept. Proof: “We’re still together! »
Our interlocutor, in his mid-sixties, all smiles in a virtual interview the day after a storm, wrote to us several months ago, in reaction to a story of infidelity. One among many, it should be noted, published here.
His point of view is jarring, to say the least. This is because, for him, infidelity is not a matter of betrayal. Completely the opposite. Infidelity is a matter of respect, pragmatism and humility, perhaps. We will come back to this, because no, Maxime did not always see things this way.
As a child, he struggled with his orientation for a long time. “I don’t want to, I can’t,” he paraphrases. I refused homosexuality. » This is because the few models he had, at the time, were quite caricatured characters (Michel Girouard, Christian Lalancette from Chez Denise, etc.). He still sees himself going to the legendary Lime Light and coming out traumatized. “No, I’m not like that…” He will go so far as to attempt suicide, that gives you an idea.
It was only with Janette Bertrand that he finally saw different models, read: more “masculine”. “That’s what saved me,” he says. It made me aware that no, there is nothing terrible. » That said, he continues to date only girls – and the connections here are “a session of torture! » – and in doing so rejects the boys’ advances.
At the start of his twenties, Maxime finally gave in and had his very first adventure with a man, in residence at university. “I responded to my impulse,” he analyzes, “but I was ashamed of it. » Shame no doubt shared, since the story quickly aborted.
It was only 10 years later, in his late twenties, one evening at the Garage (an underground bar from the 1980s) that Maxime finally saw gay people feeling good about themselves, handsome, in short, “at ease”. “. It’s a revelation.
“And why wasn’t I more honest with women? he adds. But I couldn’t do otherwise. […] I would have preferred to die…”, he lets it go.
It is in this famous bar that our man finally dares to assert himself and even makes his first boyfriend there. This is how he experiences his first real relationship with a man. “I finally have a mate,” he smiles toothily at the camera. I had a taste for it since I was 16. I had a terrible urge! »
The story lasts two years, then Maxime meets a second man, for a new close relationship which this time stretches over three years. But, he realizes in hindsight, “I didn’t have the maturity to be in a relationship. […] I was getting jealous! ” Jealous ? “Until he came home, I didn’t sleep. And when he came home, I had a crisis, he illustrates. I was suffocating. »
Once, at this time, Maxime arrived in a sauna for the very first time. He saw things there that shocked him, he recalls: “I wasn’t ready. » But it catches on: “That’s when I realized there was a different sex life that existed. »
Indeed, once separated, and throughout his thirties, this is where Maxime returns to have fun once a week. He goes there to “enjoy life,” as he says. “My sweet revenge […], for the sexuality that I did not have in my adolescence. […] Always protected”, he wants to clarify. In short, he is making up for lost time.
This era has had its day. At the turn of forty, Maxime finally meets her husband, the man of her life, online. Monsieur lives abroad, has no experience with men, and they will spend months writing to each other before meeting in real life. It’s ultimately a getaway to the West that it happens. “And we never left each other…”
Here we are. They dated for two years (at a distance, then in person) before finally moving in together. The honeymoon continues and it is at this moment, after months of exclusivity, that Maxime offers his lover, who has not lived like him (nor “enjoyed life”), this door unplanned exit. Basically: “You can look elsewhere. I don’t necessarily have the taste, because I think that we don’t build anything on sex. »
His companion can’t believe it. He comes back even less when, one evening, Maxime actually gives him the address of a sauna (456, yet another legendary place that has now disappeared). “I once corrupted my relationship because I was too possessive,” he told her. You’re lucky to know me at 40! »
His reasoning, the result of his past, is as follows: “We cannot ask the other to be our property,” he explains, “and if he has specific fantasies, I cannot respond either. asset ! The best way to build this relationship is to give him this freedom. »
It’s been 25 years and he doesn’t regret it. “It’s been good all the time. » If you want to know everything, they only have a few rules: they don’t talk about it and keep their adventures to themselves (a rule they ended up relaxing after 15 years, “with a lot of humor and delicacy”), never do it more than once with the same partner and always have protected relations.
Certainly, with time and some health concerns, Max’s libido has diminished. No more madness, they only make love together a few times a year. “But I don’t feel responsible,” he said, “because the door is open. If he has a meeting with someone, great! » Quoting Jacques Brel, he concluded philosophically: “The body must exult! »
Moral ? “We can be very happy as a couple, provided we don’t possess the other. » On the condition, as a bonus, of “being there for each other”.
