It’s something that doesn’t happen often in life. A connection of rare, deep intensity, which surpasses understanding. And undoubtedly the reason. Nathalie knows it. She saw him. Confidences.
“It’s a story tinged with eroticism, literature and intuition that stretches over more than a quarter of a century,” she wrote to us, a bit enigmatic, towards the end of the summer . For good reason: she has never confided in anyone on the subject yet. So we meet at the beginning of fall over tea, somewhere in Westmount, to hear her reveal herself, visibly upset.
Very stylish, our interlocutor, who has worked in the beauty industry all her life, bursts out laughing when telling us her age. “60! I like it, it surprises people! They think I’m 20 fewer! “, she says.
She quickly moves on to her first loves, because the story isn’t there. After a first flirtation at 18 (“I want it to be done!”), a boyfriend at university, Nathalie spent 10 years with a third man, met towards the end of her baccalaureate.
“I wasn’t very sexually active at that time,” she recalls. Giving myself to someone is something I do with discernment. »
With this boyfriend in question, a cute, funny guy, with whom she even bought a house, the intensity quickly died down after a few years. It is precisely while they are still together that she meets her famous passion, this ultimate, unique connection, stronger than nature. Let’s call him “Mr. Letters,” she suggests, since he reads a lot and that’s among other things what appeals to her.
They meet through her boyfriend, therefore, at a festival. “And I have this intuition,” she recalls: “Don’t leave me alone with this guy, I don’t know what’s going to happen. […] I knew something was going to happen. […] I can not explain it. »
We try to understand despite everything. “For sure, he’s a handsome man,” she analyzes, “I’m attracted to beauty, he’s super intelligent, extremely cultured. And then, I always loved intellectual discussions with my father. […] He was like that. Someone very deep. »
In short: it gives him a concrete effect. “I don’t sleep around,” she recalls, “but I had to organize myself to see this man again. So I ran after him. »
Her affair with her boyfriend of the moment (with whom, parenthetically, sexuality is now “ordinary”) ends, somewhere in her mid-thirties. And she quickly “interferes” in Mr. Letters’ life. “I liked that about him, there were lots of books,” she remembers. I was attracted to poetry, and this meeting was a catalyst. He introduced me to lots of authors that I didn’t know,” the Bukowskis, Sollers and others, she lists.
What about in bed? Exactly, in bed: “I’m doing things with him that I’ve never done before,” she smiles here, looking us straight in the eyes. Example ? She sends him naughty videos of herself (a whole project in the 1990s, it should be remembered), makes a cast of her breasts, her penis, even tries sodomy. “We had some great times, naked afternoons in his apartment…”
But ? “But he wasn’t well,” she finally confided, without elaborating on the subject. So their pseudo-relationship, a “torn” story that stretches over a few years here, never materializes for good. She will even get pregnant by him, but refuses to keep the baby, for fear of “rejection” and because she knows it: “It wouldn’t have been good…” Still:
Still, at the turn of forty, Mr. Letters quietly disappears from the portrait and Nathalie meets yet another man, her current companion. It was 20 years ago. We guess that the relationship has nothing to do, neither in form, nor in substance, nor especially in intensity. “It’s a very pragmatic, and I would say practical, relationship,” she confirms. “And he’s really a very kind, generous person, and a very intelligent person too. He is good for me. I love him very much,” she repeats.
Sexually, though, it’s a different story: “extremely conservative, always the same thing, no creativity.” And no, if you’re wondering, he doesn’t know about his past. “Nothing,” she insists.
What is not “fulfilled”, dare we? “My literary, intellectual, and sexual needs too. The search for refinement. For him, it’s not important. For me, this is the quest of my life! […] I can’t say that I’m unhappy, but it’s so strong with the other! Unavoidable…. », she intellectualizes.
As you might have guessed, what was supposed to happen actually happened.
Without warning, all these years later, Mr. Letters resurfaced, a little over a year ago now. “I never tried to see him again,” Nathalie explains here. I didn’t want to open this Pandora’s box. He was the one who found me. »
They exchanged a few words, and very quickly, “it became very sexual,” she smiles. What if it turns him on? ” It’s certain ! », confirms our interlocutor, emphasizing in passing that sexual fulfillment has no age limit. “Why wouldn’t sex be better at my age? You’ll see ! “, she declares, with a burst of laughter.
Because “obviously” they saw each other again, and “obviously” they made love again. “It was inevitable. It’s such a strong and incredible connection. Even 20 years later, I found it just as beautiful. I felt exactly the same way. […] It’s the same connection! »
No, she doesn’t feel guilty. “I’m not saying it’s easy,” she says. I am someone with integrity, but it’s stronger than me! […] It is not determined by will! »
We understand that Nathalie doesn’t know exactly where she is, or especially what will happen. She would never want to hurt her partner, much less miss out on what she is going through. “It’s irresistible! “, she summarizes.
“Perhaps there are things that we must accept without necessarily trying to understand them. Just experience them…”, she concludes, without specifying whether this is a question or a statement. Time will tell?
