La Presse offers you a weekly testimony that aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in privacy, far, far from statistics and standards. Today: Jean-François*, 59 years old.
Jean-François has been a gay, assertive man for almost 40 years now. Now, he has just returned to live in his native region. There, almost all of the men encountered are in a relationship, often married, with a woman on top of that.
” Is beyond me ! “, he confides to the camera, distance requires. Late fifties, smiling despite everything, he is nonetheless “shocked”, even “troubled” by what he is going through these days, moreover on top of that.
“In 2023, it troubles me that all these people are living double lives. Most have blondes! Not one or two years now, but ten, twenty years! »
For his part, our interlocutor is “out of the wardrobe” at 21 years old. Arriving in Montreal to study, it should be specified. Before, he “played around” with a cousin here, a friend there. Yes, in his famous native region, should it be specified again. “Did it influence me? Maybe… “
He even had a “blonde” for almost a year, around 17, with whom he had several connections. “If it was fun? At this age, everything is fun! he says, laughing frankly. Still, he left her for “it,” as he puts it. What ? His “attraction to guys”.
It is only a few years later, once landed in the metropolis, therefore, that it appears. Why there ? “Because I got there,” he replies naturally. His close friends take it rather well, his sister too. His mother ? Less. “She didn’t welcome me with open arms. It took a few years before she knew my first boyfriend…”
His very first experience, he saw it with a guy found in the “classifieds”, as was the custom at the time. He is 22 years old. ” It went very well. It was fun,” he sums up. A few years later, he meets his first (and one and only boyfriend), a story that spans 10 years.
In bed ? ” Alright. »
We guess in his tone that this “something else” was not “crazy”, precisely. And we guess right. “I left him because it was going badly sexually,” confirms Jean-François. It pissed me off. It was always me who initiated. And when I stopped, our sexuality stopped. »
Nevertheless, over time, and the years, he regrets. “It was a mistake,” he blurts out. It’s not just that [sexuality]. […] Maybe it was a whim. I was just 36…”
He doesn’t dwell too much on the subject. At most we will know that through these years, the gentleman cheated on him. And him too. “I took revenge. Nothing serious, that said. “Stories without a future. »
Once single, Jean-François has fun. He meets after meeting, with dozens of men. Probably more than a hundred different ones. Note that so far, the men he meets are all gay, and proud of it.
He rarely goes to saunas, he continues. “I didn’t like the concept. He mainly prioritizes apps. “I was going to a guy like that, whom I had never seen before. It’s a thriller. But all that has had its day. “At some point, it gets boring…”
Around the age of 50, Jean-François enrolled in a high-end dating agency somewhere in Outremont. “I wanted a boyfriend. Unfortunately, some 40 dates later, it still doesn’t click with anyone.
So he offers himself some escorts. Why choose to pay? “I was fed up. It seems like I was never satisfied,” he explains.
And then, three years ago, he was back in his native region, therefore, for professional reasons. “And there, out of 40 guys I met, 35 are straight or bi-curious! “, he realizes, amazed. Here we are. “And they’ve been dating guys for a long time!” With children! »
He can’t believe it: men aged 35 to 45, some with an active sex life with their wives, definitely, some less so, certainly. They all live a double life.
That’s not all. Since last fall, Jean-François has been seeing one in particular, more assiduously. “We see each other every two weeks. Sometimes, twice a week. He has a family. So we talked a lot. »
For good reason: with him, it particularly clicks. ” He likes that ! We have fun together, he said. A chemistry: I haven’t seen that often! It’s rare to meet someone with whom it clicks so much. It’s obvious. Although it’s safe, we don’t live together on a daily basis…”
Monsieur had to leave his wife. But he did not do it. And Jean-François expected nothing. Or just a little. “We always have a little expectation,” he said, smiling.
Hence his surprise. This verdict. Doubly difficult to digest. “Sometimes I think these men live in another world. I wouldn’t be able to cheat like that, it’s against my principles. How do they say hello to their wife at night? […] It depresses me a little. I don’t understand that in 2023, even in the regions – people aren’t innocent here either! –, there are people who do not live their lives. It’s sad. I find them pathetic…”
