Make the many hours spent in isolation due coronavirus, think about the destruction of the unions?
it started with a message posted on social news website Reddit. In it the woman described her mixed feelings after during the quarantine, her first boyfriend unexpectedly apologized to her. This woman’s confession sparked dozens of responses: people began to share their own similar stories.
bi-Bi-si contacted the man, who during the quarantine, he sent two such letters with remorse, and with a woman who apologized.
there was another quarantine Friday, she looked at the computer screen, switching between the news and social networking, when suddenly came an email message from James.
Irene hesitated a moment, trying to remember when she last remembered about my first boyfriend, and then opened the message.
“Irina, I know it seems sudden, and I was late for a few years — read the text — but I had to send you this message.”
She was 16 and she was ready for a relationship when I met James. Then for a girl her age it seemed a normal pace.
Irina was born in Moscow and arrived in Britain two weeks as an exchange student. And she was so pleased that at age 14 she told her parents that he wants to leave Russia and to arrive in the British boarding school.
After some hesitation, the parents gave in. Mother Irene worked as a conductor on the railroad in the Russian hinterland. There she fell in love with the future father of Irene, who was her passenger. She was 19, he is 30. Few weeks after collecting the suitcase, she went a thousand miles and knocked on his door, saying that henceforth they would live together. Well, how could parents deny daughter in this great adventure?
Arriving in England, Irina immediately experienced a real culture shock. She grew up in Moscow and went to school, where, in her own words, was a “real tin”, bullying and fighting in the toilets. In England she was surprised by the mandatory visits to the Church and visible social hierarchy.
James is fully suited to be the cool boyfriend: he was handsome, witty, tall and a year older than Irina’s (he had turned 17).
the Next few weeks, they exchanged e-mails, and soon their relationship became “official”, although they immediately there has been a discord.
“At that age among friends is very important in your status, — says Irina, — and James was very important to look cool.”
the people he made fun of Irina in a circle of mutual friends, and when alone with her, James was annoyed, if she h��about something did it better than him.
“If I was better at crossword puzzles, he was offended and said — well how is it that you’re Russian, you can’t know English better than me, — said Irina. — I consoled him and explained that of course my English is not better, just easier for me given crosswords.”
two years Later, Irina had learned from mutual friends that James, as he told them, cheated on her. Irina immediately stop the relationship with him and has tried to distance itself. He told James that he no longer wants to communicate with him.
She moved to another city in search of a better life and enrolled at the University.
the Next two years James from time to time sent her text messages and always congratulated her with her birthday and the New year. After one of these messages Irina wrote to James that they should leave their relationship in the past. And for this they need to completely stop contact.
the Answer of James was short and cold. He wrote to Irina that he is not trying to get her back. “I do not write”, he added.
she decided that She begins a new Chapter in her life.
several years Passed, and Irina moved again. She found a job in the technology field. Now she was much easier to find new friends, she got into a rhythm new to her city.
When the pandemic coronavirus, the employer sent her a keyboard and large monitor so she could work from home.
Suddenly she found in the mailbox an email from James.
the message in 800 words James told me that due quarantine he was forced to think about their behavior. He wrote that he needs to apologize to her for his immaturity that he showed all those years.
He apologized for the way with her lead. He noted that after reading your messages that he sent her, he was horrified.
And then he admitted that he never cheated on Irina. He only boasted in front of friends to impress them.
He wrote that during the quarantine became a volunteer and helped socially unprotected people. According to him, the time real to think about life and to show kindness.
Irina decided to walk once again faced with his past and the associated feelings.
after Returning home, she decided to write a response. She advised him to be kinder to themselves and stressed that all people make mistakes, especially in youth. And then she responded to his apology:
She thought for a minute, deciding she answers politely or not.
“I Think he wanted to come clean before me, — Irina speaks. But not in my power to give him a cleansing. He’s the only one who can do that, you need to forgive yourself.”
Irina sent an e-mail and returned to his computer, his evening and his life.
it has been 10 days since the beginning of the quarantine, and Chris sent a text to Sarah.
Last time he saw her lying on the floor in her room. She is sobbing loudly, curled into a ball. He left, leaving her in this condition. She wanted him gone. This was the result of a long emotional conversation, to put an end to their relationship, which lasted eight months.
They had not seen for several years, and sometimes he thought about her after the breakup. They were following each other in social networks. But memories of her were becoming less distinct — just ex-girlfriend in College. Seven years later, his mind increasingly began to arise the image of the weeping on the floor of Sarah.
Chris quarantine began March 10. On this day in, the United States withdrew an order to close restaurants and bars, and the President ordered to send all the employees to work from home.
the week before usually the day began at 5:30 in the morning. He worked in the gym with colleagues at a military base in Missouri, where he worked as a computer engineer. After class he went home, took a shower, had Breakfast and then returned to base. He lived alone in the apartment nearby.
After work he’d come home and either spent somewhere evening with friends or cooking dinner and the whole evening was spent on the Internet.
When did the quarantine, he had a lot of free time. First he would find something to do — arranged video conference on the Zoom in sports using video tutorials to YouTube, watched the whole season of the TV series “the Heirs”, but after 10 days he began to remember his ex-girlfriend.
He met Sarah at the military Academy when they were 18 years old.
“we had a very vivid novel, — says 26-year-old Chris. We were together all the time. Together we made plans and, in fact, become one person.”
As people just starting their career in the us army, they shared with each other their problems. Sarah had a difficult relationship with his parents, and a few months later, according to Chris, this is the beginning to absorb. He didn’t know how to help her.
Until graduation from the Academy they tried to avoid each other. After graduation their paths diverged. So would have continued on, but on 19 March Chris sent Sarah a message.
“Sarah, I know it’s been a while, but I think we broke up once not human. The way I treated you when we were broken up, hurt you.”
“I know we haven’t met, but I’d really like to make friends with you. I really hope that you’re okay.”
the Answer was not long in coming:
They ��was acali to correspond. She told me that she began teaching, and she likes it very much. And she happily reported that it had established relations with their parents.
“She said some time could not see me because I hurt her, but now all in the past, says Chris. — She realized that we weren’t right for each other.”
Inspired by the warmth of the fellowship, Chris decided to write his second ex-wife. Although perhaps the word “former” it is hardly suitable.
“We had sex on the friendship, he says. But we didn’t set each other’s terms, not to date other people.”
Lisa and Chris met on the Dating app Tinder in 2016. She was from Washington, where the family lived Chris. Mostly they communicated on the Internet.
“We chatted all the social networks and basically copied,” says Chris.
at First, they spoke via video linkup, but then stopped. They rarely met, when they are in the same city. This continued for two years, but gradually their relationship had completely shifted to the Internet.
on the eve of the 2018 Lisa and Chris were in the same city and have agreed to mark the arrival of the New year in the company of a friend. Lisa was already Dating another guy named Sam. She talked about it to Chris, telling even arisen in their relationship problems.
Chris saw him for the first time. The party started friendly enough, but things soon got drunk.
In a drunken stupor Chris mentioned something from what Lisa had told him in confidence about his relationship with Sam. It was very personal information, and he immediately realized that made a mistake, abusing her trust. After a showdown with each other Lisa and Sam left, and joined their friend. After some time, Lisa sent the message to Chris that she resented due fact that he gave her the secret.
the More he Lisa not seen.
Angry with Sarah, he wrote to Lisa:
Lisa answered the other day. She wrote that she is doing well, and she married Sam. It was clear that she did not want to continue communication. She did not mention and did not accept the apology, Chris.
Chris said that he would like to apologize to the two girls much earlier, before the quarantine. “But in this case I could write the messages being tipsy in the middle of the night,” he says.
According to him, he realizes that by his actions may seem selfish, because apologies no longer need him, not his ex. But Chris claims he didn’t expect Sarah or Lisa will say something that he will become a better soul.
Nastran Tavakoli-Far leads podcast “the Gender knot” about the peculiarities of cultural perception. She was the author of many programs about why people apologize. According to her, the situation with the quarantine displays these causes to a new level.
But before you apologize, you need to prepare.
“No need to apologize, to make you better at heart. An apology is only the first step to forgiveness. You need to be prepared for the fact that people can answer at their discretion or do not respond,” explains Tavakoli-Far.
“Until you have time to think about something unpleasant that happened in the past, time to think and the person from whom you ask forgiveness and you, unwittingly, can cause emotions that in the moment he doesn’t,” she continues.
